never let me go
by earanemith
Summary: And that was how they ended in her living room on her couch. The movie finished but neither getting up to either get ready for bed or leave. That was when tony had seen it. Her lips started to tremble. Very soft but they did.


They were sitting in her living room. Just sitting. It had all started when they had resigned. They started there tradition of dinner together again. No rules that would stop them. No coworkers that would question just how close the two people in the bullpen were with each other.

Yes, they had resumed their old tradition but only after a couple of week s of not seeing and speaking each other. Why they hadn't had contact neither one knew. They just didn't.

The whole day Tony had been looking forward to the after noon and night he knew he would spend with Ziva. He had missed her. That was weird. He missed her yet he had seen her yesterday. He had the feeling deep inside his gut that tonight would be the right time. He would finally be able to tell her. At least, that was what he hoped. That he finally could admit to her, and commit to her.

Just like that they had been opposite to each other in her kitchen. Both full plates, eating, drinking wine and talking. Talking as friends, no murder or cold case came to mind. They did however talk briefly about their resign ment, how it had affected them. They talked about McGee, having heard that he had started writing again.

"You know Ziva; I think that after all this has been a good decision. I mean we finally have some free time, and when was the last time we had that?" Tony told her with a smile.

"You may be right. It feels great to be away from the orange walls" she had replied. A smile on her face but her eyes were what gave her away to Tony. They always had. They told him that she was not happy. And he wished she would just be honest with him. It was true, he missed working with her also, he did not know what it was that was bothering her but he just hoped that now they did not have to keep a clear mind for the case that she would talk to him.

And that was how they ended in her living room on her couch. The movie finished but neither getting up to either get ready for bed or leave. So in silence they sat. Ziva looking to the dark screen of the television. That was when tony had seen it. Her lips started to tremble. Very soft but they did. Tony got the feeling she was on the verge of tears. He wanted to help her so bad, but he could only do that if she was honest with him.

But he knew her to well. She was thought not to open up. It didn't matter how well they knew each other he knew she wouldn't. And that the women he loved would not share with him what was on her mind pained him. He had a fairly good guess as to why she was sitting next to him almost breaking down, almost crying. Ever since she had become a citizen she had been looking for stability. Then Ray happened, Eli's death was also a start of the slowly crumbling stability she had built for herself. A lot of things had been taken from her. He would fix her; make sure she would smile again. So he spoke

"Ziva. Look at me"

She did and was about to say, probably that she was fine.

"No, don't speak, just hear me out okay?" she nodded. "You know I can tell when you are not fine. I don't need you to tell me what it is if you don't want to. Just, trust me; I am here for you, okay"

For what seemed the longest time she was silent. Did not seem to respond to what he told her. The she spoke. A single tear streaming through her eyelashes. "I feel, lonely and…" she took a deep breath "with everything that happened in the past year, I don't know how to trust the words that you are speaking. I know you are my friend Tony I do. I am just scared to lose even more than just my job, I could not find a new job then I would be broke. I am afraid of what Gibbs is doing, no one has heard from him. I am afraid that I will not see ducky or Abby or Tim anymore" and him, not him? "And most of all I am afraid that I will lose you, the only thing that formed our bond as partners was the job, just scared"

Pondering over an answer he simply spoke what he hope he would be able to do for her.

"Then let go of your fear, make it ours, talk about it so I can give you hope. Because I will never let you go Ziva. For the past eight years we've had our fair share of fights and obstacles. But even through all of that I have never been able to let you go. I went to Somalia to save you because I couldn't let you go. And not just because you are my partner my friend. You are so much more to me Ziva"

"Don't Tony just"

"Why not? I don't want to lose you ever again Ziva"

"We can't just, I can't. We have been dancing around each other for too long"

"That is why it is right Ziva. You make me feel alive, you are the person that when I think about I always smile. I love you Ziva"

Big tear filled eyes watched him back. She had never dared to dream him even saying this. With his commitment issues. Yet he had

"It's okay to be scared. It's okay not to love me back"

"I do" she admitted very soft if the tv had been on he might not have heard it. "but I'm scared of this going wrong and losing you"

"You won't. And I will spend the rest of eternity by your side trying to make you smile if that is what it takes to be with you. I will wait until you are ready. And if you are never that is okay Ziva."

"Never let me go" she almost begged him as the tears now started streaming down her face. Slowly she let herself sink towards him. He opened his arms for her and pulled her close. Having her wrapped up in his arms felt right. It was in his arms that she belonged. While her tears were seeping through his shirt he softly kissed her hair and whispered in her ear

"I will follow you to the end of the world and further if that is what it takes Ziva. I will never let you go now"


End file.
